Pardon Me, I Think My Brain Just Farted

For those of you who don't know, I will be turning 40 in September. Yes - 40! How did that happen?!?! I sure as heck don't know, and I'm pretty sure my mother doesn't either ;)

At any rate, for the past year I have been contemplating what I could do that would be special to celebrate this new milestone in my life. 

When I turned 30, I got a tattoo.  At that time said I would get my nipples or belly button pierced at 40. Frankly, it no longer seems that appealing now that my breasts sag to my belly button - but hey, it could almost be a 2 for 1.

Of course, Vegas crossed my mind . . . as did New York, Italy, and Toronto. But, the kids will be in school, and I'm just not sure it would work out. Besides, I'd kind of rather go to Disneyland - and since we said we wouldn't go until Zach was 10, I guess that means I'll have to wait until I'm 43.

Sigh . . . what to do, what to do?

The other night I made a decision. I'm not sure if it was the extra Gin & Tonic, or the euphoria from realizing I would soon be free of my bondage to the school lunch kit. More likely it was a great big giant brain fart that made me do it.

I signed up for a 10k run in Canmore. FYI - I DON'T run. I detest running. I don't even like walking really, but heck, you gotta get places somehow, right? 

Here is my thinking . . . you never know what life is going to hand you. Today I can walk - and yes, I can run too - even though it isn't something that I really love or want to do. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? 

I know one thing for certain - if I discovered tomorrow that someday in the near future, I wouldn't be able to run or walk, I would be doing everything I could to make sure I was running until I couldn't run anymore. 

I've spent too much time in my life taking things for granted, for relying on tomorrow always being there. I've learned the hard way that sometimes it isn't. And so I will run, in case someday I will no longer be able to. 

And besides, who wants a ring in their nipple anyways?

Can You Smell That?

It's a beautiful summer morning - we are sitting at the table eating breakfast and enjoying the fresh air coming in through the open window.

Elizabeth inhales slowly, gets a huge grin on her face, and states "Oh Mom, those penises smell SOOOOOOO good".

As I waste some perfectly good Baileys by spitting my mouthful of coffee across the table, I manage to splutter back "pardon"?

"You know, the penises" she says matter of factly - and points out the window to my large PEONY bushes below.

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying.


Happy Friday everyone!

I Know This Much is True: Mother's Version

All kids play nicely until you are on the telephone. After that, all bets are off.

If it's really really quiet you are already too late.

Stating "stay out of that room" is actually an open invitation to enter.

A helium balloon in the house will ALWAYS end up in the ceiling fan.

If it has a spring in it, the kids will jump on it.

There will never be enough seats to choose from in a vehicle. Arguing about where to sit is as necessary as buckling the seat belt.

If you happen to make it into the bathroom without a kid following you, there is a good chance you will be interrupted by someone ringing the doorbell. The likelihood increases if you are taking a crap.

"I cleaned up the closet/bedroom/mudroom" is code for "Mom, you might want to have a cocktail before you take a look at what I've done". 

Asking why there is a pair of ginch on top of the cupboards is pretty much a pointless question.

If you are cleaning the bathroom and you feel a kid starting to play with your hair, chances are it is with the toilet brush.

Stick a Fork in Me Cause I'm DONE!

It's been a looooong day . . . and I am quite certain I have become intimately acquainted with the reasons animals have for eating their young.

Admittedly, it hasn't been as bad as the day the kids filled up the overflow drain in the laundry room with soap, but it is ranking right up there.

The morning started out with them playing downstairs - no big deal. Unfortunately I had forgotten to lock the laundry room last night, so they got into the pop. Of course THIS settled them down hahaha!

We started to try and clean up the mess in the basement (lego and duplo EVERYWHERE) - cue wild dramatics! How hard is it to grab a block and put it in the box? It's not like they don't have any hands!

I tried a variety of strategies to get them to clean up with no success. Finally, as I'm picking up blocks and they are sitting on the stairs laughing at me, I raise my voice and tell them to get busy - and they start screaming like I've cut off their arms.

Cue doorbell.

It was the trapper guy. Apparently, somebody has been messing with the traps and while the remaining badgers have probably been trapped, someone has come along and let them out. Seriously? Now I want to sit out there with a pellet gun and wait for them . . . but I digress.

We FINALLY got the basement cleaned up and had some lunch. Had a quick visit with my friend while the kids 'played' downstairs. Tried to convince my friend to take the kids home - she wisely declined.

The phone rings - it's a call I have to take and lasts about 7 minutes. I hang up and hear hysterical laughter from the basement. I think of a thousand different ways I can justify ignoring this, finally give up, and head down the stairs.

Oh.My.Word.

There is an assortment of raw macaroni, goldfish crackers, and potato chips covering the entire floor. There are toys laying on top of all of that. And hanging from the light over the pool table are two naked children.

I briefly consider using them for badger bait then decide it would probably be in their best interests to go to their rooms immediately. Wisely, they concur.

I spend the next 25 minutes vacuuming up the mess and reminding myself that I love my children very very much.

Very.very.very.much.

Very.much.indeed.

sigh.

Movie Mayhem

Even though my little kids are getting older, they still do not have the attention span it takes to get through a movie at the theatre. 

My oldest was never like this - I took her to see Pocahontas when it first came out in theatres and she has been a movie junkie ever since. She'd sit quietly in her seat and not move a muscle until the credits rolled - it was awesome.

I would love for my other kids to be like that - but they are not, so consequently we do not go to many movies in this house. If we do go, it is usually because I've had some sort of mental break with reality and have decided that I can probably handle taking them this time. That I've set things up for success. That they will be better than the last time. Yes, this time will definitely be different. And I'm always wrong . . .

Let me put it this way - me walking into a theatre with the Talma Tots is kind of like a woman walking onto a plane with a baby. Everyone is all "look, they're so cute" but inside they are begging "Please dear God don't let them sit beside/behind/in front of me"!

Aside from being ravenous popcorn loving crazies, my children were also blessed with bladders that automatically shrink up to nothing as soon as the Coming Soon to Theatres promo flashes on the screen. By the time the movie starts, you would think they haven't had access to a bathroom for a week they are squirming in their seats so badly. They wait until a quiet moment, and then announce in an exceptionally loud whisper "I need to use the . . . . (insert head spinning, growling whisper here) washroom!!!!"  Repeat at least 15 more times and we have ourselves a movie!


Then there is the commentary . . . following a preview the other day, Elizabeth piped up "Well! That was pretty violent, don't you think?". 


Or Ben, during a 3-D movie, would take his glasses off and announce loudly "It's blurry", put them on "Now it's not", take them off "it's blurry", put them on "Now it's not" . . .  you get the picture. 


After a particularly touching scene in Brave, Elizabeth announced (as soon as it was quiet of course) . . . "She's naaaaaaa-ked Mom!". Yes Elizabeth, yes she is.


A gruesome (kid friendly of course) death scene? You will hear my kids laughing hysterically!


And, without question, the ever popular "Is it over yet?" is uttered on cue every 13 minutes.


Oh well, maybe next time. . .

The Boy in Pink Pyjamas

My Ben has a style all his own. 

From the time he was very little, he has always loved to put on dress up clothes - and by dress up clothes I really mean frilly little dresses :) There are some little boys who can pull off this look - they have fine features and can almost resemble a little girl in a dress. Not my Ben - he looks like a linebacker in a tutu! But he loves it, so that's OK.

For his birthday he received a full fledged army camouflage outfit - pants, vest, jacket and hat. He rocked it with princess heels.

One time, he went for two whole days wearing a Snow White dress and Darth Vader mask - repeating over and over "Luke, I am your mother".

A couple of weeks ago, he spent the entire evening dancing around the house in nothing but his underwear and a tutu. 

The other night at the T-Ball wind up, they were all given participation medals and had to have their picture taken. He wore his like a pageant banner. Right in the front row. It was awesome!

On Friday, the kids decided to have a pyjama day. Ben selected his sisters fuzzy pink two piece pj's. He had a ball riding around the yard on his bike, waiting for his brother to come home.

When he came in for a snack, I commented on the fact he was wearing Elizabeth's pj's - to which he replied excitedly:

"Yup, and I'm wearing her panties too!"

Perhaps it's time we had a little talk . . .

I'm So So So Hungry

Ok, let's get this straight . . . I feed my kids regularly . . . three solid meals a day plus lots of snacks. So WHY are they always hungry?

This past Thursday was the T-Ball windup - the kids were served hot dogs, a bag of chips, plus a can of pop (yeah - they went to sleep good that night - NOT). This was in addition to the yogurt tube, cheese string, and pepperoni stick they had to have BEFORE going to the event because they were so, so, so, so hungry.  After dinner they had pictures taken - apparently this is a big calorie burner because they were totally starving afterwards. I decided an ice cream treat would be nice, and got them each a sundae from Dairy Queen.  We came home, ate them, and I swear, not even five minutes later I had to endure a battle of wills over whether they had actually even been fed supper. Seriously?

Today we went to a movie. I got them each the Kids combo. Fifteen minutes in, Zach had eaten all his popcorn. Sixteen minutes in he started to complain about being so incredibly hungry. Seventeen minutes in I suggested he crawl along the floor and look for scraps. Seventeen minutes and thirty seconds in I had to convince him to get up off the floor because I was just kidding. Eighteen minutes in I had to intervene as he attacked his brother in an attempt to steal his popcorn. Nineteen minutes in Elizabeth started complaining about being hungry. You get the idea. It was a long movie.

We came home, had a snack, then several pieces of left over pizza for dinner. Then some fruit for dessert. And milk. And cheese. And some more fruit. And a muffin.

And at bedtime, "Why didn't you give us anything to eat today?"

I give up.

Gophers & Badgers & Crows, Oh My . . .

It seems as though the past couple of weeks have been all about rodents and birds in my house . . . although I am quite happy to report that the gopher apocalypse appears to be winding down with very few running around this weekend. Throughout it all, I have learned some very important lessons . . .

1. Where gophers live, badgers will follow. 

The discovery of a badger at the back of a neighbours property last weekend was somewhat disheartening - seeing it run - super fast! - across the back of my property was downright scary. Learning there were two babies only increased my anxiety.

Between a neighbour, a friend, and myself, we logged countless phone calls to Fish & Wildlife, Lacombe County, RCMP, and Wildlife Centres in an effort to determine what to do about these potentially harmful rodents. Some of the conversations were amusing, some frustrating, and most not very helpful. However we did finally locate someone who could come and live trap and relocate them thank goodness.

Badgers are smart. The first night, they flipped and moved the traps around so they could get eat all the bait without getting caught. The next day, I was able to take pictures of them climbing on top of the traps and rolling around them. Finally, Mama and one baby were trapped - hopefully the second baby will come out soon so they can all be happily reunited and relocated to somewhere other than near my backyard.

2. There is a lot I didn't know about gophers.

Did you know that if a gopher is injured and crawls back into its hole, chances are, it will be eaten by his peers once he bites the big one?!? Ummmm . . . gross. No wonder they all looked so crazy and wild-eyed! Zombie gophers!

Speaking of eating gophers, the trapper who came to get the badgers offered to provide me with a wonderful recipe for 'gopher legs' - apparently they taste rather like cornish hen and leaving the tail attached to the hind quarters is optional - kind of like a garnish. While I am looking for every opportunity to cut our grocery budget, I'm thinking I might pass on this idea. 

And finally, there are people in other countries who will pay up to $5000 for a gopher - to keep as a pet! I'm still thinking about how I might be able capitalize on this ;)

3. Crows scare me.

Especially when they sit on my deck railing and watch me as I work in the house. Following my every move - almost as though they are waiting for the opportunity to peck my eyes out. 

I am absolutely terrified of birds - so when a crow sits and watches me, I am a woman on the edge. When it sits right outside my bedroom window and caws, I practically shit my sheets. 

Apparently, crows can't digest bubblegum either - when I got home the other day, there was a HUGE black and pink turd on the post cap of my deck - ugh! It reminded me of when Ben ate 20 pieces of Double Bubble in an hour at a birthday party - at least I didn't have to try and pick gum off the birds ass - thank heavens for silver linings!

Through it all, I am so very thankful for all of my neighbours and friends who have helped me out by emptying and setting traps, shooting gophers, and talking me off the ledge when the crows were circling. They have listened to me obsess, whine, and complain - and reassured me that it would get better. And it has. I am grateful.

I Have a Happy Booger

Oh my word - the kids found a music box yesterday and have been singing about how they have a Happy Booger in their nose ALL morning. When I ask them to stop, Elizabeth starts singing in another language that can only be described as a cross between pig latin and spanish. I'm not sure which is worse!

I think I should put a double dose of Bailey's in my coffee this morning. It might be the only way to get through the day.

School Projects to be Proud Of

I have an incredibly creative daughter - I mean, all my kids are creative, but my oldest daughter can really kick it up a notch. It is one of the many things that I love so very much about her!

Throughout the years, her 'creativity' has resulted in some extremely entertaining projects - such as How to Raise Sheep when she was in Grade 3. She worked diligently on getting it perfect while at her After School Program, and was excited to show me the finished product when I arrived to pick her up that evening.

I told you she was creative!

Last night in my bed . . .

Today is house cleaning day - but I feel compelled to procrastinate. This happens a lot - I might have a problem . . . any who . . .

After a day of fun on Zachary's field trip, an entertaining evening at the ball diamonds, and one gin & tonic later, I was relieved to finally crawl into my bed last night.

I love my bed. It's big, it's soft, I have super comfy pillows. I love being in it. Except after my kids have been in it. Then it's not so great.

Last night it seemed that every time I rolled over I would find something new . . . first it was a bubble gum wrapper, then some play doh, followed by what can only be described as a terror inducing Zhu Zhu pet that started squeaking when I touched it with my toe. 

This morning I woke up with half an oreo cookie stuck on my face. If that doesn't put one in a good mood, I seriously don't know what will!

Happy Hump Day all :)

Fun in a Ford

Every so often, particularly when I am travelling (and by travelling I mean making a quick Timmy Ho's run), I wonder what life would be like without the built-in DVD player in our car. Really - seriously - what did we do without it? It doesn't matter if I'm going near or far, that handy dandy piece of equipment pays for itself every single time. Have I really become that dependent on technology to entertain the children while I concentrate on driving? The answer is yes . . . yes I have.

Tonight, I decided to drive Mike's truck to T-Ball - mostly because I had some little critters to dispose of - and there is no way they are going in my Acadia. Normally, I don't drive his truck - not because I don't like it - but because the kids all sit in one row (gasp!) AND there is no DVD player (double gasp!!). In hindsight, I should have left the critters for another day - because sure enough, as soon as we got to Lacombe, it began to pour rain. No big deal right? Just pack up and go home? Sigh . . . things are never that easy.

No - tonight is the night I need to collect all the raffle tickets because the draw is on Thursday. So that means that even though ball is cancelled, I still am going to have to hang around the parking lot waiting for parents to drop their tickets/$$ off. Keep in mind ball normally would start at 6:30 and I arrived at the parking lot at 6:05 with my tired kids already beating each other up in the back seat. Recipe for disaster? I think so! The carrying on in the back seat was practically unbearable - and because it was raining, I couldn't even kick them out onto the playground!

Most parents arrived around 6:30. As soon as I started talking to someone, the kids would go WILD. Yelling in my ear, trying to hang out my window, throwing things. It was crazy! When the last couple arrived at 6:45, I suggested they throw in an extra five bucks and I would be happy to send my children home with them. Wisely, they declined.

Finally it was time to head home. I was only about 5 minutes out of town when Ben and Zach started screaming bloody murder. A quick glance in the rearview mirror revealed them pulling each others hair, Zach foaming at the mouth and Ben looking like a snake about to deliver that final venomous bite. I quickly pulled over - I mean, who wouldn't want to see who was going to come out on top in this round???

Turns out, they were fighting over something extremely important . . . an empty McDonald's cup. Seriously. Cardboard with wax on it. Did I mention it was empty? And I thought the gopher apocalypse was crazy!

As I pulled into the yard, I decided to heck with DVD players - there is great money to be made by inventing a portable plexi-glass barrier between the front and rear seats. 

And as I sit here nursing my gin & tonic after a long day, I come to another realization . . .

Those freaking dead gophers are still in the back of the truck. 

Son of a . . .

The Gopher Apocalypse - Part 1

There is a reason I have not updated my blog lately - and it's only partly because I'm going bat-sh*& crazy . . . For the past several days we have been under attack. Gophers here - gophers there - gophers running everywhere. I open my window - I hear gophers. I try to sleep - all I see are their beady little eyes - daring me, mocking me . . . (see, not kidding about bat-sh*& crazy!)  Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. 

I had no choice. I didn't ask for this - it was foisted upon me, much like those web slinging abilities Peter Parker developed when he was bitten by the spider. I became what I swore I would never be . . . a killer. 

In all honesty, I'm kind of a 'feel good killer' in the sense that I really don't want these hideous and despicable creatures to suffer . . . much. Well, it's more because I don't know how to shoot a gun, but whatever.

On Saturday, I rallied the troops, and we began earnestly filling gopher hole after hole after hole. Then, we brought out our secret weapon - a hose connected to the exhaust pipe of Mike's truck. Man, you should have HEARD the chirps of terror echoing throughout our yard - It.Was.AWESOME! 

At about that time, a neighbour came over with his pellet gun and began to chase the little suckers that were milling about on the lot next to us.  He shot for about 10 minutes, shouted in disbelief "they're mocking me!" and went home. Silver lining? I'm not the only one they mock!

Satisfied that our work was complete, we hopped into the truck to make our way back to the house. As I put it into drive, a lone gopher sprinted across the grass, feverishly darting from filled hole to filled hole - desperate for escape. I floored the truck and raced this way and that way chasing that sucker when suddenly there was a small thunk and Mike hollered STOP! Exciting right? Not for the poor little tree that I ran over. And no, the gopher wasn't under it :(

Well, we cleaned up and went about the remaining scheduled activities for our day. Upon our return home that evening we were greeted by the sight of every.freaking.hole.dug.out.  Turns out those were not chirps of terror at all, rather gales of laughter and delight at our folly. Weiners.

We are under siege . . . I repeat . . . we are under siege . . .

Want to add a little sip of Gin & Tonic to your day? Follow me on Twitter: Follow @GTMothersSoul

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Oh Mr. Grey . . .

I had a dream last night that Mr. Grey was killing all the gophers in my yard.


Seriously, can this man get any freaking sexier???


Later's Baby!

Andale Andale Arriba Arriba

Those ever famous words from our dear friend, Speedy Gonzales.  I find myself thinking of these words every so often - but for reasons you may not expect.

My kids are striving to be brilliant . . . or maybe just plain weird. For the past few months, they have been obsessive about watching their movies in Spanish. Why Spanish? Why not?! 

The first time they asked to listen to the Spanish version, I thought it was kind of cute - kinda one or two gophers kind of cute ;) But here we are - many, many, MANY car rides later - and I am getting sick of the Spanish. Well, not necessarily the language - because it is kind of interesting to hear it. Rather, it is constantly being asked "What did she just say??". Are you kidding me? 

These are the following phrases I know in Spanish:

1. Andale Andale Arriba Arriba (Hurry and get me out of this freaking car before I snap!!!)

2. Cervesa por favour (Good Lord I need a drink!!)

So you see, my understanding is very limited to only very useful and functional phrases. I really don't know what Barbie is trying to tell Madame Carp in The Princess and the Pauper or, for that matter why the dolphin in Barbie and a Mermaid Tale is so worked up. 

In a last ditch effort to save my sanity, I decided to just start answering their questions - so the conversation will generally go something like this . . .

Kids: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom (they have to say this many times because usually I am ignoring them) - what did King Dominic just say?

Me: I think he told her he hadn't pooped for a week.

Kids: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom - what did Kylie Morgan just say?

Me: She told Merleah she just peed in the ocean.

Then they start arguing with me because they can't remember those lines in the English version.


Sigh. Cervesa por favour?

50 Shades of . . .

Disclaimer:

Last week, I succumbed to all the hype and excitement and purchased the 50 Shades Trilogy. If you have not yet read any of these books and are planning to, or if you are easily offended, it may be most appropriate for you to 

STOP READING NOW! STOP READING NOW!

Unless of course, you generally do not enjoy discovering things on your own - or are a terrible listener/do not like to obey what people tell you. In that case, feel free to keep reading . . . but please do not say I didn't tell you. If you do, I may have to punish you ;) Consider yourself warned.

For the past month or so, I have been regularly hearing and reading Facebook and Pinterest comments about this amazing new series of books starring the one and only Mr. Grey.  I must admit, I was intrigued - I am in between novels right now, and frankly, wanted a nice, light, easy read.  

If someone had told me 6 months ago that I'd be reading books like these, I would have laughed. No way. No how. Never. They are scandalous! Yet, here I am - already on the second book (I admit with more than a bit of embarrassment).

I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I suspect it was along the lines of Pride and Prejudice for the 21st century - with a strong and capable Elizabeth Bennet being wooed by the rich, handsome, and ever so swoon-worthy Mr. Darcy. Oh Mr. Darcy ...Um . . . yeah. Or maybe not. Unless Jane's editor removed a significant amount of text, I don't think this is what she had in mind. 

However, as I was mowing lawn and sweeping gopher turds off my cement patio today, I had a lot of time to think about what exactly it is that draws me to this book.  And I had a revelation:  in many ways, Mr. Grey IS Mr. Darcy - ok, maybe a kinky Mr. Darcy - but still!

Not following? Allow me to elaborate . . .

Both men are insanely handsome, incredibly rich, and desired by many women. They employ servants, are philanthropists, and are very mysterious. Both men are referred to Mr. (last name) by the majority of characters in the books. They each have been absolutely and completely bewitched by their objects of affection, to the point they are willing to adapt themselves in order to be better suited/accepted by their desired mates. These things are obvious.  Some other less obvious, but still very compelling similarities are as follows:

Mr. Darcy will do anything for you . . . Mr. Grey will do anything to you.

Mr. Darcy wears a tie to distinguish himself . . . Mr. Grey wears his tie so he can tie you up in it later.

Mr. Darcy prefers sitting in the parlour and listening to wonderful music . . . Mr. Grey prefers to listen to wonderful music while you are blindfolded and tied to the bed.

Mr. Darcy has a whip in his stable for the horses. Mr. Grey has a whip . . . for you.

Mr. Darcy occasionally will carry a cane on his walks . . . Mr. Grey has a cane  . . . for you.

Mr. Darcy can be a pain in the ass . . . Mr. Grey would love to be the pain in your ass. Yeah - I really DID just write that!!

Sigh. I need to get back to my book. 

Later's Baby.

Faith, Patience, and Gratitude

This past Friday, after carefully making arrangements for the younger kids to be taken care of and attend their activities on the weekend, Mike and I jetted off to Abbotsford so we could see the opening of Emily's show "The Fantasticks"! We had been waiting for this day since the moment she learned she would be in the show - especially because we have not really had the opportunity to spend any time with her in the past few months. It is incredible how much you can miss someone - and I can say quite honestly that I shed a few tears when I was finally able to wrap my arms around her in the airport.

We had a lovely dinner, then headed to the show - which was so incredible. Even though I have seen her perform many times, I am always amazed and awestruck when I see her onstage - sharing her wonderful gifts with a group of strangers and absolutely loving every minute of it. 

Because she had two shows Saturday, and our flight was due to leave early Sunday afternoon, our time with her was limited. Words cannot even begin to describe how heavy my heart was that morning as we shared brunch together, knowing it would be a while before seeing her again and wishing that somehow the weekend had not flown by so fast. 

Imagine our surprise when we discovered that our flight home had been cancelled! This put a major glitch in our plans - especially because Ben, Elizabeth, and Zachary were back home terrorizing Grandma & Grandpa - and Marshall the dog too! Mike was due to fly back to work on Monday morning as well. 

After working with a terrific ticket agent, we were able to get on to a flight the following day. Not the best case scenario, but here's how I look at things . . .

1. Faith. Obviously, WestJet knew something about that plane that we did not. I'm quite certain the company would not have cancelled the flight unless they had a good reason. I for one, prefer not to experience a crash landing in the mountains if at all possible.

2. Patience. The ticket agents were working very hard to get people home as quickly as possible. They can't magically create seats on a plane so of course it will take longer to get home. Getting angry and abusive won't open up a seat - but it will certainly make those around you hope and pray that you are not sitting beside them on the next flight!

3. Gratitude. We were blessed to be able to spend the entire day and following morning (well, late morning haha) with our beautiful daughter, and my sister and her family. The reality is, we needed this time with Emily - and she needed it with us. We were also grateful to Mike's Mom & Dad, and our good friend Raelene, for keeping our kids an extra day - especially when they all had much to do already, and probably could have used a good nights sleep!

Sometimes, things happen that put a monkey wrench into our carefully organized plans; however if we remember to have faith, practice patience, and be grateful, the situation can be a lot less stressful. 


And sometimes, just sometimes, weekends can be made to last a little longer ;) 

There's a Gopher in my Sandbox

Ah . . . acreage life. Lots of space, birds singing, flowers blooming, mowers mowing, gophers breeding . . .

Wait a minute - back it up - gophers breeding?

I swear, we are not trying to increase the gopher population, nor do we consider them to be an endangered species. In fact, the first couple were kind of cute - and Emily even wanted to keep one as a pet.

Even though I grew up on a farm, my experience with gophers was pretty much like everyone else's - you see them on the road - you try to hit them. A great sport really.

So even though I was aware that the little rodents would invariably multiply - in no way shape or form was I prepared for this!  The other day I counted 26(!) running around the yard, and the next morning, I swear they were mobilizing the troops. There were eight gophers all in a line facing one big one - I'll call him Genghis - he squeaked a couple times and they all ran off.

Today I went down to the back yard - and there was a gopher - staring at me from the sandbox. I swear he stuck out his tongue and gave me the finger before darting away.


Oh it's on you little buggars - it's on!

Windows Down and Music Blasting . . .

Today is the perfect day. It's sunny, not too hot - not too cold. The sky is blue and only a few clouds saunter by. A perfect day for leaving the windows down and listening to your favourite tunes as you run errands around the city.

Dropped the kids off at the sitter this morning, and made my way into Red Deer, eyes focused on the prize - a large 2 milk 1 sugar from Timmie's. Had the tunes on and was singing along since no one else was in the car to tell me to stop. Pulled into the drive through, rolled my window down early cause it was so nice out . . . coffee and sun . . . two of my favourite things. Left the window down and continued on singing. Life is grand.

Not sure at what point I realized my soundtrack was actually "Barbie: The Princess and the Pauper", but that may explain some of the odd looks I received cruising down Gaetz. Yup, that's how I roll.

I Wonder Where Babies Come from Anyways?

This is the question I was greeted with as I was making Zach's lunch this morning and having a discussion with Elizabeth about how she shared her name with her great grandma.  She asked it in a 'I just can't figure it out' kind of way, which made it all the more endearing I suppose. Needless to say, I lied and said 'I don't know either - weird, hey?' She agreed and went on her merry way.

I suppose this could have been a 'teachable' moment; however I honestly had no idea what to say. There are a couple of reasons for this:

1. No morning coffee (or Bailey's) had yet been consumed therefore brain activity had yet to commence.
2. I had a flashback to when Emily was five and asked me what sex was.

Picture a 5 year old Emily and a much skinnier me sitting on the couch one night watching TV when a commercial came on which posed the question "Which is better - sex or chocolate?" (Talk about an unfair question!) Of course, ever inquisitive Emily looked at me with innocent eyes and said "Mommy, what is sex?" 

I remember mulling this over in my mind for a few minutes before telling her quite simply that it is something that happens when two people who love each other very much sleep in the same bed together.  Not a bad response to a five year old, right? She was satisfied with this answer, and I mentally high-fived myself for getting through the moment.

A few days later I had to go out of town for work and made arrangements for Emily to spend the night with her Auntie.  When I returned home the following day, my sister pulled me aside and shared that Emily had excitedly told the babysitter she was going to go home and have sex with her Auntie that evening. Oh. My. Word. I mean, I can laugh about it now - but back then I was mortified!

At any rate, Zach told her this afternoon that babies come out of stomachs, and she was going to have LOTS of them - just like the gophers. It just goes to show that if you wait long enough, someone else will take care of things for you. See how easy that was?

Stop the Carnage

For all of you who might be in or around Red Deer on Friday, please consider attending the rally being held at City Hall to lobby for stiffer sentences for Impaired Driving Causing Death.


Too many people - and recently, kids - have been taken from us due to impaired driving. I don't understand what is so hard about taking a cab or walking home - if neither of those are an option, then be responsible and don't drink. It's that simple.


If you make the choice to get behind the wheel impaired, then in my opinion you are also making the choice to potentially injure or kill someone - and a sentence should reflect that. There needs to be some accountability for the choices we make - and current sentences certainly do not reflect the seriousness of the crime.


As a parent, I can't even begin to imagine the heartbreak of losing a child because of an irresponsible decision someone else selfishly made. I can also not imagine being the parent of an individual that would make such a decision. Yes, people do make 'mistakes'; however this does not mean they should be immune to the consequences.


Together, we can support those families who have been so tremendously impacted by Impaired Driving Causing Death. We can take a stand and say 'enough is enough' with respect to lenient sentencing. We can make a difference - so let's get out there and do it! 

Psssstttt . . . Anybody Wanna Buy a Ticket?

No really, does anybody want to buy a ticket?

I freaking HATE fundraising . . . don't get me wrong, I totally understand and appreciate the need to fundraise - I just am not cut out for it. I get a book of tickets, and suddenly I feel like that dude on Sesame Street that wears a trench coat and is always trying to sell you a letter 'N' or a sundial or whatever. Yeah - you know who I'm talking about!

Tonight was T-Ball night for the Talma Tots. Yes, I know that's a lot of T's! I have a love-hate relationship with T-Ball . . . on the one hand, Zachary absolutely loves it . . . on the other, I paid $130 for Ben and Elizabeth to perfect their monkey bar routines. I gave up on trying to make them play - it isn't that they don't enjoy it . . . rather the temptation of those almighty bars are just too much for their little brains to handle at this point in their lives. But I digress . . .

So I'm sitting there on the grass tonight, actually enjoying getting to watch Zachary play for a change, when I look across the field and there she is.  Yup. The ticket lady. Crap. Ok, relax - there are four parents standing over there . . . surely she will approach one of them. Or maybe not . . . look at the ground, look at the ground, look at the ground . . . sigh. 

"Hi" I say brightly as she sidles up beside me. "You must be the ticket lady?" So we have our little conversation - or more accurately, she hands me a pack of 20 ticket books, two forms, and gives me specific instructions as to what needs to be done and when everything needs to be handed in. Seriously? Why does this always happen to me? Doesn't she realize how irresponsible and disorganized I am? Isn't it enough that I have to sell two books for kids that aren't even wanting to play? I tried to get out of it by saying I didn't have a pen - but surprise! She had one that she didn't mind giving me. And that my friends is how I became the Fundraising Person for Diamond B. So now, on top of selling three books of ten tickets, I also get to ensure everyone else sells their tickets, hands in their money, and get it to the Diamond on time for the draw. I'm hyperventilating as I type. I'll let you know how it turns out ;)

so . . . pssssst . . . anybody wanna buy a ticket?

Fancy Meeting You Here . . .

Hi! Welcome to my experiment/blog! A few of you may already know this, but for those who don't I'll give you a little bit of background information . . .

I am a stay-at-home Mom with four beautiful and very 'energetic' children. Over the years, I have written various notes about the crazy and hilarious (and sometimes not so hilarious) things that my kids say and do with the intention of eventually writing a book titled "Gin & Tonic for the Mother's Soul".  Believe me, they have given me enough material that I could probably write a series! At any rate, normally I would post some of the stuff on Facebook; however I recently began thinking about sharing some of these stories, as well as my thoughts on things that happen in general, on a more regular basis and in blog format. Perhaps it's my way of 'testing the waters' so to speak before diving into writing something more formal and let's face it, risky. So, here I am!

I would really love for this blog to be interactive, so please feel free to comment on stories - or even share some of your own! Parenting is hard work, and sometimes, just knowing that other Mom's and Dad's experience some of the same insanity as you do can be very helpful. I'm looking forward to this journey, and I hope you'll enjoy travelling along the road with me :)

Cheryl

p.s. - I know the font is large . . . I'm simply in denial about needing to wear my glasses, so please bear with me ;)