I'm a Fashion Catastrophe

Last week I went Christmas shopping. All day. I made appearances at the mall, the streets of Downtown, and various box stores. I wore my new boots and my black coat. I was put together . . . or maybe not so much. I got home and was startled to find this on my sleeve . . .

To be fair, this isn't my first foray into fashion disaster. Yes, there is the usual walk around all day with the sizing strip still attached to the pants trick that happens I think to all of us. But I have to take it a step further.

A couple years ago, I went from one end of the mall to the other looking at various dresses that might work for my daughters graduation. I distinctly remember telling myself that people weren't staring at me - it was just my imagination.  Well, it turns out I'm wrong occasionally. (I KNOW! I was shocked TOO!) They actually WERE staring at me - and for good reason. When I finally went to try a dress on, I discovered my shorts were on inside out - and had been that way since I had arrived.

Last year when we were on vacation, we spent the better part of an afternoon sightseeing in downtown Honolulu. When we returned to the condo, I discovered I'd been wearing my shirt backwards the entire time. It was nice of my family to mention it. On the upside, I probably made a poor mugging target - because someone who can't even dress herself properly likely isn't carrying much money, right?

But my crowning glory had to have been when I was working at the school and had to dress up for the Graduation banquet.  Every so often during the evening I would glance at my sweater and question why the manufacturer would put a button there. Following the banquet, we went out for drinks at a local pub. When I finally returned home later that evening, I discovered that the button wasn't actually a button. No, sadly, it was a Fruit Snack stuck on my lapel. Yup. A fruit snack. Nothing screams 'fashion catastrophe' than a fruit snack stuck to your sweater. I'm sure the graduating students were hoping and praying not to end up like me - an older woman who wears her snacks on her shirt.

I think I need a stylist.