Just Say NO To Crack (and Camel Toe too!)

I went shopping for new jeans yesterday. My husband couldn't understand why. He said "But you already have three pairs!". He fails to take into account that one pair is too small, one pair just fits, and the other pair has developed a massive hole in the crotch. While he may be ok with walking around airing his junk, I am not. So shopping I went.


This is what I don't understand about jeans.

WTH is with a Low rise?

Okay, I get that 'Mom Jeans' weren't really all that sexy, but honestly - can you tell me that a bulging muffin top from having four kids is? Seriously, even if the waistband isn't super snug, I got so much belly going on I practically knock myself out from the flapping up and down when I walk. I need something that will hold all that stuff in - not create a walking one woman 'wave'.

Not to mention the fact that when I bend over, a full moon rises. Does anyone really want to see that? I want to scrawl "Just Say NO to Crack" across my lower back and then head to the mall and pick up my kids a thousand times, just to see if anyone would notice. Who knows, one picture and my ass might just go viral! I could be famous!

In an effort to keep from blinding some poor stranger, I end up having to hike up my pants a thousand times just to keep my cheeks in check . As I was doing so one day, my husband asked just how big of a camel toe I was trying for. Needless to say, he didn't get lucky that night. I hope he's learned his lesson.


But yesterday I was lucky. I went to Upper Level Street Wear in Lacombe and the sales lady was super helpful. Even though there was a very limited selection in my size, she found a couple good pairs to choose from. When I checked myself out in the mirror, the fit was great, the muffin minimal, and I swear when I turned around, my ass winked at me. Sold.

Best of all, I was in and out in less than 30 minutes and I left feeling great about myself.

I may just have to go shopping for jeans again next week ;)