Wednesday, 29 May 2013

Rainy Day Treats

It's raining ... again.

I could have chosen to crawl back into bed this morning, and laze the day away watching new episodes of "Arrested Development", but B & E are at home and would probably rat me out to the teacher tomorrow, so I decided to catch up on some baking instead.

Baking doesn't happen very often in our house - usually only at Christmas. B & E were thrilled and had a great time adding ingredients, stirring, and whining about who got to do what. Good times.

When we finally finished, they went upstairs to wreck the place to play on the computer. Soon, they had launched into a full scale Christmas Carol Sing a Long, and despite my desperate pleas to cease and desist, they only got louder and more persistent.

image from

So now it is 3 o'clock in the afternoon, and my counter is full of muffins, cookies, and other wonderfully sinful things to eat. I can feel my a$$ growing just looking at all of it.

The kids are still upstairs, belting out Jingle Bells for the thousandth time - while I'm writing my blog and throwing back shots as I look at the clock and wonder how much longer until bedtime. Well that's not entirely true - there's still a good chance the rain will stop and I'll have to take the kids to soccer, so the only shots I'm throwing back are imaginary ones - but damn they are good!

Sigh. I love rainy days.

Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Anatomy 101

Last night it became clear I am failing at teaching the more subtle aspects of anatomy. Don't get me wrong - they know their major body parts and can quickly point out their weenis' (in between giggles of course) when asked. I'm talking about those not often talked about parts of us - like our knuckles, eyebrows, cuticles and the like . . .
Source unknown
(Just in case you thought a weenis was something else)

My oldest son wants to be like his Dad, so he only wears his ginch to bed at night. This drives my younger daughter crazy.  Every time he struts into the room wearing nothing other than his tighty whitey's she reminds him to "put some clothes on" in a voice remarkably similar to Howard's Mom on The Big Bang Theory.

Last night, she had had enough.

"Z, I can see your belly button AND your boobs! Put your robe on!" she hollered.

"I don't have boobs" Z stated smugly as he stuck out his tongue, "I have pimples."

"Z, those are actually called nipples" I gently reminded him.

"DUUUUHHHHH .... " my daughter teased "cause THESE are your pimples" she said with a note of triumph in her voice while pointing to the pupil of her eye.

We spent some more time talking about the parts of the eye, including the pupil.

However, following my very graphic and disgusting description of what a pimple actually is, they both swore they never wanted to be teenagers - ever.  Suits me just fine. I'd rather skip that too.

(Mental Note: start stockpiling gin ....)

Monday, 27 May 2013

It's The Little Things

I am a very happy girl tonight.

No, it's not just because I successfully pulled off the switcheroo of the century by replacing the Fruit Loops with Fruity Loops and getting my kids to actually eat them.

It's not even because I stumped them during the argument over whether or not Pluto is actually a planet or a micro-planet. I maintain Pluto is a dog - apparently a very unpopular position indeed.

It isn't because it is once again raining - giving our earth the much needed moisture so my grass will grow and my trees will not require my hauling the hose around 4 acres to water them.

No, it's the little things.

Today, a cousin who I had lost touch with found and commented on my blog. I haven't spoken to him for probably 15 years, and although I had kind of kept up with how he was doing through my Mom who is in touch with his Dad, I wasn't even sure where he was living anymore.

So the fact that he made time in his busy life to find and reconnect with me totally made my day - and I am so looking forward to catching up.

This got me to thinking.

Life gets busy.

We get caught up in kids activities, household chores, work, school, our health ... the list goes on and on. Things start to fall by the wayside.

It might be that one (or 3!!) room in the house that we need to hide - the door closed so others can't see how we just toss things into it to sort through/deal with later because for whatever reason we just can't get our poop in a group.

It might be that time with friends is sacrificed so that we can attend soccer games or support our kids in whatever activity/hobby they enjoy.

It might be letting relationships with our family - particularly those we may not see very often - simply drift away ... our times together becoming a fond memory rather than a living, growing relationship.

Today I am thankful for my cousin. He has reminded me that even though things get busy, and we may have lost touch, we are still family - and it is never too late to pick up where we left off. It's never too late to change the course we are on, or who is walking the path with us. Yes indeed, I am thankful.

Well, for that, and Gin. I'm always thankful for Gin, but particularly so after that whole intense Pluto discussion. Definitely needed a drink after THAT one.

Image from
It's our last life, so let's live and be awesome!

Friday, 24 May 2013

Reality Check

As I registered my kids for summer camp last night, I was surprised and pleased to run into a former colleague. Naturally, one of her first questions was whether or not I was enjoying my time at home.

I chose to be honest.

"I'm not sure, even after two years, that I have this whole 'stay at home mom' thing down yet" I admitted.

It's hard for me to admit this. When my oldest daughter was growing up, I desperately wanted to be at home with her; however circumstances did not allow for this to happen. After the other children were born, there was still within me a strong need to work - to contribute financially to our family. However as our situation changed and life happened, the opportunity to remain at home with our kids arrived. My dream could finally be realized!

When I eventually made the decision to stay at home, I was excited to embark on what I anticipated my life would now be. I could have a nice, leisurely shower each morning without worrying about getting out the door to work. I could do educational activities with the kids. I could spend an hour each afternoon either reading a book or starting to write one. My house would be spotless and healthy meals would be prepared each day. Heck, there might even be meals pre-made in the freezer, to pop into the oven on those super hectic days. The yard would be mowed. Toys would be organized and put away when they were finished with. Laundry would be done and put away each week. The kids would be thrilled to spend time with me - we could play, do craft projects, and sing songs.

BOOM! Reality check!

My nice leisurely shower usually takes less than 3 minutes and only happens every few days because:

  • Lingering in the warm water is significantly more stressful when you can hear shrieks of terror (or glee) coming from the other side of the door.
  • It's hard to relax and enjoy yourself when three faces are pressed into the glass asking "why is there hair 'there'?", and "does it feel like the hair on your head Mom?", along with "Can I touch it?" and the obligatory whine "But why not???"

My educational activities with the kids include (but aren't limited to):
  • Exposure to curse words in other languages, some of which don't even exist yet (I'm a visionary).
  • Proficiency in counting backwards from 3.

My hour of afternoon reading or writing:

  • This is usually the time I spend frantically going through countless stacks of paper and other discarded items on the counter looking for the school consent form that was due yesterday or the bill that needed to be paid last week.
  • Is spent researching the most effective way to get rid of the urine smell caused by boys who can't aim.

My house is spotless and healthy meals are prepared daily. OK, let's be real.

Source unknown
  • There are definitely pre-made meals in the freezer. We are fully stocked with frozen pizza and microwaveable dinners I am happy to report. 
  • I 'make the rounds' to each toilet in the morning and regularly throughout the day to ensure that little presents are sent away before starting to smell. Usually Occasionally I forget to check the basement toilet. My apologies in advance if you need to go down there. 

The yard will be mowed regularly:
  • This does happen regularly . . . only because no one - and I mean NO ONE bugs Momma on the mower. WINNING!

Toys are organized and put away when they are finished with:
  • The toys are all organized according to 'where they land' and their relative position to being stepped on.
  • My house looks like the toy box went on a bender and subsequently spewed everywhere.

Laundry will be done and put away on a weekly basis.
  • We all have beautiful closets in our bedrooms. Some even have clothes in them.
  • We have re-purposed our pool table and games room for use as a walk in closet and dressing room. It's a little awkward when we have parties, but hey, they came to see us, not the state of our house, right?

The kids are thrilled to spend time with me doing fun things:

  • We play a lot of hide and seek. They hide because they are in trouble, I seek because I yearn for revenge.
  • I start counting down to bedtime around 9 a.m. most days.

Yup, I'm living the dream! It's not the dream I had anticipated, and it's a heck of a lot harder than I figured - but I am grateful nonetheless. Because let's face it, if things were perfect, I would never be able to appreciate the humor in things like this: 

P.S. - popcorn is a food group, right?

I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone and submitting this to the Yeah Write Moonshine Grid for the weekend. Click on the link below and head on over to read some amazing writing from some wonderful people :)  Happy Weekend Everyone!

Tuesday, 21 May 2013

My Favorite Things

In honor of my daughters 20th birthday, I decided to come up with a list of some of my most favorite moments over the past 20 years. Of course there are hundreds more, but because I'm getting old and usually my moments of remembrance occur when I get up for a pee in the middle of the night and vanish by morning, these are what you get . . .

20.       The way you sound like a Star Wars fighter machine when you sneeze.  Pew Pew Pew … (Clearly I’m not up on my Star Wars lingo – but I know you know what I mean)

19.       You have a killer ‘throwing arm’ – it impresses me every time I see you throw a baseball or football.

18.       The way you interact with little kids – you are enthusiastic and make them feel special.

17.       When you were three and Grandma was showing you the old chicken house, you looked inside, saw an old cow skull, and said  very seriously “Grandma, I think your chickens are extinct”.

16.       When driving through the mountains, you were in awe of all the “Hindu’s” (Hoodoos)
A Drumheller Hoodoo
15.       The picture you drew when you were in Kindergarten that showed me lying on the ground with a wine bottle in my hand and surrounded by empties that was captioned “My Mom likes to drink wine”.

14.       When you were 5 and we took you to Costco, and you laid in the cart and hollered “Help! Someone let me out of this cage!” the entire time we were there.

13.       Your childhood dream to be a ‘window washer’ just so you could hang off tall buildings like Spiderman.

12.       When you decided to participate in the High Jump at track and field but didn’t realize you couldn’t dive over the bar.

11.       When you sing, my heart soars. I miss hearing you every single day.

10.       When you were 6, you told me you figured you could only handle living with me until you were 12, at which point you were going to ‘make it on my own’.

9.         Trying to explain to you why you couldn’t keep 25 bumblee bee caterpillars in your closet corner – and the subsequent attempt to explain why they were ‘all shriveled up like that’.

8.         The day you tried for hours to ‘catch’ a gopher just so you could have a pet.

7.         The way your eyes light up when you are telling a story, or flashing a smile.

6.         During the last baseball game of the year (age 8), you belted out the “Star Spangled Banner” for the entire duration of the third inning. A proud Canadian indeed ;)

5.         Watching you jump off the moving ride on mower and sprinting across the yard because you saw a spider.

4.         That time you went to school and told everyone that we went to a party on the weekend, and I brought 'Cocaine'. We worked VERY hard at sounding out the word "Kokanee" from that moment forward. 

3.         The look on your face when you bit into a chocolate and discovered it was filled with Brandy.

2.         On your first day at your new daycare, you told all the teachers that you needed to behave or “my Mom will find someone to adopted me”.

1.         And my most favorite is when you wrap your arms around me and say “I love you Mom”.

I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I am living –
My baby you’ll be.

Thanks Robert Munsch for the words I will
always sing to my beautiful daughter :) ...
and reminding me that it is ok to drive across town
with a ladder on my car and do a B&E as long as I give 
my big girl a snuggle and a song ;)

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Today You Are 20

Today you are 20 ...

How is it possible that the newborn baby with a wide eyed stare has now become such a beautiful  woman?

That the strong willed toddler who knew what she wanted is now the woman who refuses to give up or give in?

That the giggling girl has evolved into the woman who engages others with her smiles and laughter?

That the bright eyed pre-teen with a passion for being on stage has become a woman who can captivate her audience - whether onstage or not?

That the heartbroken teenager is now the woman who comforts and cares for those whose hearts are wounded?

In honor of this very special day, I would like to remind you of this ...


              You are BEAUTIFUL.

                            You are AMAZING.

                                          You are LOVED.

Happy Birthday my beautiful daughter!

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Mom's Wise Words

I've come to the conclusion that I don't actually have children living in my house. I have for years affectionately referred to them as my 'weapons of mass destruction'; and I'm starting to think my Mom might have been on to something . . .

You see, my Mom always told me when I was not listening and/or was misbehaving to "be careful, because what you choose to do now will come back to haunt you ten times worse when you have your own children". At least I think that's what she said ... truth be told, I wasn't really listening ...

I'm realizing she had a point though. Because things are at least ten times worse with my own children - or so it sometimes seems ... (Well, unless we take into account that whole infamous ziploc bag flour fight of 1984 with my sister ... seriously, who knew the bags would explode so easily?!? And that flour is so hard to clean up?!?)

Case in point - we did a lot of outside work these past couple of weekends. We have 4.5 acres - so when I say a lot of outside work, I really mean it. As I'm sure is true for most of you, when outside work is being done, inside work is generally not - unless you are some super human and can do both at once, in which case, please call me immediately - I will pay you an amount beyond your wildest dreams to come and live in my house. No really, I will. (Call me.)

That isn't to say the house was a total disaster, but it definitely hasn't been kept up like when I was hibernating stuck inside during the winter months. It was all good until Saturday, when some pre-programmed search and destroy code was remotely activated (in honor of Mother's Day I'm fairly certain) and all heck broke loose - culminating in the simultaneous clearing of each and every shelf of its contents in my office, emptying the rubbermaid bin of Lego all over the basement, and half eaten yogurt tubes stashed like land mines in various locations around the house. 

Then, in a stroke of pure luck genius, a kitchen chair was pushed over onto the floor with such force that an expensive decorative bowl was launched into the air from the resulting vibration, shattering into 'a thousand million pieces' throughout the kitchen and down the basement stairs. (I'm throwing 'thousand million pieces' in as an ode to my own Mom, who once exclaimed that this was how my Uncle's brand new cassette player would end up if he didn't quit sneaking up on her and secretly making recordings. My sister is laughing out loud right now. My Mom on the other hand, probably isn't ... it's always been kind of a sore spot. That and the STOP sign she ran in Blackfalds when we were 5. Who knew something like that would be so memorable for a little kid?!?)

Part of me hopes that Mom was right - if you behave badly as a kid, you will pay for it later with your own children. Sweet revenge if you will - much like the look of victory on her face when we told her we were pregnant with twins ... 

But then I lay awake at night thinking about how terrible active and exuberant my grandchildren could be - and because the kids are talking about having big families (who doesn't want to dream of having 10 kids when you are 6), there will be lots of them running around and Lord knows WHAT could happen?! It would be like my field of gophers - only I probably couldn't shoot a pellet gun at them to make them go away ... or maybe I could, because 'what happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's', right? Especially if you give them cookies in exchange for their silence. Ok, I wouldn't really shoot at them - the kids I mean, that would just be cruel. The gophers on the other hand are fair game.

At any rate, it's a good thing my little weapons of mass destruction come in cute little packages that always remember to tell me how much they love me when I put them to bed at night. Because I sure do love them, despite their efforts to drive me crazy. Just like my Mom loves me even when I tease her a little bit ... right Mom? 


Yeah, I might be getting what I deserve ;)

Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Have You Seen This Key?


Have you seen this key?


Late Sunday, this key was used to gain entry to the family truck and move it to a more accessible location so its owner's wife would be able to use the vehicle during the week. Upon preparing to leave the house Monday morning, owner's wife was unable to locate said key.

As the owner assures his wife the key is not in his possession, one can only take a guess as to its actual location. Of particular interest is the fact that this is the fourth - yes 4th - key for this vehicle that has made a run for it.

Wife has checked the usual key hangouts (coat and pants pockets, night stand, dresser, under bed, bookshelf, etc.) and only been able to find receipts, left over pennies, and dust bunnies - none of which will start a truck.

If you or someone you know has information that may assist in locating any one of the missing keys, please let wife know.

Thank you in advance for your assistance.