Tuesday, 26 February 2013

I Miss You


Next month it will be Five years.

Years that have moved far to quickly, at a pace that seems impossible.

Years that have moved so slowly, so incrementally, that it feels like just yesterday that you left us.

And so I continue to walk that strange path of grief - putting one foot in front of the other, mostly continuing to move forward, yet occasionally feeling like I'm not going anywhere. Over the years, it has become easier to feel you walking with me, even though I am unable to see or hear you beside me. But I know you are there.

There are moments where I feel your presence more than others - moments when you feel so close that my heart aches and I feel a hollowness inside me that begs to hear your voice one last time, to hear your laugh, to feel your arms around me as you give me a hug. These are the moments where I miss you most. Where I wish I could sit across from you at the kitchen table and tell you all about what's been happening in my life. Where I wish I could pour you another coffee as you tell me about the crops you have planted. Where I could ask for your advice or guidance - or just see the look in your eyes that says you are proud of me and all that I've accomplished.

These are the moments where I allow myself to weep, to mourn you, to wonder how life can possibly go on without you in it. To not even try to pretend that I have an understanding of why God called you home when we were not yet ready to let you go.

And I feel you there, patiently standing beside me - your presence reminding me to be gentle with my soul, filling my hollowness with boundless love, easing the ache in my heart. Your presence dries my tears, and gives me the courage and strength to keep moving forward, safe in the knowledge that you will always be there. What a beautiful gift you have given me.

I miss you Dad. And I always will. Thank you for walking with me.





23 comments:

  1. What a lovely tribute to your dad. I'm sorry for your loss.

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    1. Thank you - he was a wonderful man :)

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  2. Many hugs... Missing someone we love is so hard. Knowing that they are always with us in our hearts helps. Lovely sentiment and post.

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    1. Thank you so much - I am so grateful to be able to feel him with me every day - it makes things a bit easier.

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  3. So sorry for your loss. You write about your dad beautifully.

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  4. I have walked a path like that of my own since my dad died 3 1/2 years ago. What you write mirrors so much of what I feel. It's not easy, but you gave this kind of loss a lovely voice.

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    1. Thank you so much for sharing that. I sometimes wonder if I am alone in feeling this way - it is nice to know that others experience it too. So sorry for your loss, Erin.

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  5. This September will be 18 years since I lost my mom and the years still seem to move so quickly and so slowly at the same time. . . . This was such a beautiful tribute to your dad.

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    1. Wow - 18 years. I can't even imagine - of course I couldn't imagine 5 years passing and yet it has already. Thank you so much for your comment.

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  6. How heartbreaking. I don't yet know the grief of losing a parent - but you capture how I imagine it feels beautifully.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. Losing someone close is hard - enjoy every moment with your parents for those are the memories that will sustain you when they have passed.

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  7. Grief... it does seem to go on and on, no? Beautiful post. Sorry for your loss.

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    1. It sure does - it is an experience that is unlike anything I've ever lived through before. Thank you for your comment :)

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  8. This is a beautiful post about someone, clearly, still at the forefront of your mind. I have not lost a parent so I can't fully understand.

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    1. Thank you - some days he is more at the forefront than others - despite time passing by.

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  9. Beautifully written and touching. So very sorry for your loss.

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    1. Thank you so much Dana - it was a very hard post to write.

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  10. Such a beautiful and moving tribute to your Dad. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  11. What a loving daughter you are. A beautiful tribute to your dad. Thanks for sharing this. So sorry for your loss.

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  12. This is a lovely, warm tribute to your father. I'm so sorry for your loss but I imagine his strength with you as you were writing this.

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