I was planning on taking the kids swimming tomorrow. But then something awful happened.
I was cooking dinner tonight, and my butt cheek started to itch. So I scratched it. And I scratched it again, cause everyone knows once you start scratching, it just itches more, right?
Five minutes later I had an inflamed mosquito bite the size of Mt. Everest hanging off my a$$ and I couldn't stop scratching!
Finally put some anti-itch cream on it and resumed my domestic duties. Like most things, the incident vanished from my mind as I took the next few sips of my G & T.
A while later, Mike walks in the room and starts staring - literally staring - at my butt. My inner hotness shouts - "oh yeah, these shorts make my butt look HOT! He can't take his eyes off me!"
Then he says "What the hell is that thing hanging off your a$$?!?!"
There's NO WAY I'm putting on a bathing suit!