Monday, 16 July 2012

Parenting: An Olympic Event

Only a couple of more weeks until the Summer Olympics - gotta say, I am so excited. I love the Olympics - especially the summer games. Many times when I was a child I would dream of being a gymnast - performing cartwheel after cartwheel in our yard, pretending the rustling leaves and branches were people cheering me on. Oh those hot summer days where the sprinkler was going, with poplar fuzz floating through the air while the crickets chirped their merry tune. Great memories!

This got me to thinking . . . there are a lot of similarities between an elite athlete and a parent. As such, I think there should be a Parenting Event - kind of like the Decathalon, in the Olympics. It could be considered both a summer and winter event, so the marketing opportunities are endless. Can you imagine? Some events could be:

The Obstacle Course: An indoor/outdoor event.
The outdoor portion is comprised of a variety of children's toys, bikes, and other paraphenilia laid out along the walkway into the house that must be negotiated when it is pouring rain, on a night with no moon, carrying a sleeping child. Bonus points would be awarded for inserting the house key on the first try.

The indoor portion would consist of a variety of lego, thumb tacks, hot wheels cars, and squishy fruits between the kitchen and bathroom. Participants will be required to drink a minimum of 8 cups of coffee prior to competition, and points will be deducted every time you make a noise when stepping on an object.

Wrestling: Location - local grocery store.
In this challenge, a parent will be responsible for three young children while standing in line at a grocery store with various chocolate bars, gums, and candy on display on either side. To add a challenge, the parent in front of you will allow their children a chocolate bar after they have screamed long and loud.

100 m Dash: Also at the local grocery store
After the youngest child grabs a chocolate bar and runs away, the parent that chases them down the dairy isle and back in the shortest amount of time will be declared victorious.

Alternate Version: As the competitors place the last item of a full cart load of groceries on the conveyer belt, they will suddenly remember there is only one sheet of toilet paper left and be required to obtain a 24 pack of bathroom tissue and return to the checkout as quickly as possible.

Weightlifting: Requires two toddlers.
In this event, both toddlers will fall and scrape their knees simultaneously in the middle of a crowded room. Competitors will be responsible for transporting both children to a quiet area in order to attend to their injuries.

Yes, Parenting requires commitment, dedication, and determination in order to be successful. Much like an athlete, one must practice, fail, learn, strive for improvement and persevere when faced with challenges. If successful, they will receive endorsement deals full of hugs, kisses, and love from the wonderful children they have been blessed with.

I may never be an Olympic Athlete (well, this is probably a given but I would hate to rule anything out haha), but I will work hard and train every day to be the best parent I can be to my children. In the end, they are the only ones who matter anyways.

In the meantime, let the Games begin!

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