Thursday, 5 July 2012

Got Gas?

In my many efforts to procrastinate today, I thought I would try to find out when the iPhone 5 projected release date is . . . imagine my surprise when on the side of the article was a link for a flatulence deodorizer. Really! I'm including the link below because I'm certain that most of you will just think I've gotten a little too cozy with the G & T's today . . .

So I'm reading and thinking, this is really quite brilliant. I mean, we've all been there at some point, right? Surely I can't be the only one who has accidentally dropped a silent but deadly in the middle of a public place and had to do the "it must have been THAT guy" look to those around me.

In fact, when Zachary was a baby, he could have used something like this. I can vividly remember taking him with me to watch Emily's choir perform, and every time he dropped a bomb you'd swear the sewer was overflowing. People would start gagging, look at me, then shake their heads when I pointed to the baby. It really, truly WAS the baby - how something so small and cute could smell so foul is beyond my comprehension, and apparently everyone else's as well!

I can remember shopping for appliances when we were building our house - while talking with the sales lady at Leon's, it became quite clear that a 'release' had just happened. Mike looked at me quizzically - I indicated 'no way', and we both tried to pretend that everything was OK. Next thing I know, Emily appears out of nowhere and is sniffing around behind each of us to determine just exactly who the offender was! At any rate, I think it was hard for all of us to keep a straight face while the detective was at work.

Perhaps my most embarrassing moment EVER was in Junior High. It was almost recess, and it was all I could do to hold it in while I waited for the bell to ring. I'm pretty sure I was sweating my stomach hurt so bad. It finally rang, and I raced - and I mean RACED - out the door and outside as fast as I could, grateful to finally find relief! I ran back to another door to head back inside (I didn't want to be 'caught'), and walked back into the classroom. Everyone started gagging and choking - apparently, I have a knack for leaving a very long snail trail. Of course, I was called a variety of colourful names for months afterwards. 

But just think, these fart pads could be quite the liberators.

No longer would we need to walk through the mall clenching our cheeks and hoping nothing squeaks out. 

We wouldn't need to fear leaving a little something behind when we bend over to grab something off the bottom shelf at the store. 

No more rushing to the bathroom, or trying to pretend that we really are listening to what someone else is saying while we hold it in! 

Got enough gas to fuel a jet engine? No one needs to know but you! 

At dinner, we could break wind along with our bread, and none would be the wiser.

Yes, brilliant indeed! Would you buy one?

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