Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Movie Mayhem

Even though my little kids are getting older, they still do not have the attention span it takes to get through a movie at the theatre. 

My oldest was never like this - I took her to see Pocahontas when it first came out in theatres and she has been a movie junkie ever since. She'd sit quietly in her seat and not move a muscle until the credits rolled - it was awesome.

I would love for my other kids to be like that - but they are not, so consequently we do not go to many movies in this house. If we do go, it is usually because I've had some sort of mental break with reality and have decided that I can probably handle taking them this time. That I've set things up for success. That they will be better than the last time. Yes, this time will definitely be different. And I'm always wrong . . .

Let me put it this way - me walking into a theatre with the Talma Tots is kind of like a woman walking onto a plane with a baby. Everyone is all "look, they're so cute" but inside they are begging "Please dear God don't let them sit beside/behind/in front of me"!

Aside from being ravenous popcorn loving crazies, my children were also blessed with bladders that automatically shrink up to nothing as soon as the Coming Soon to Theatres promo flashes on the screen. By the time the movie starts, you would think they haven't had access to a bathroom for a week they are squirming in their seats so badly. They wait until a quiet moment, and then announce in an exceptionally loud whisper "I need to use the . . . . (insert head spinning, growling whisper here) washroom!!!!"  Repeat at least 15 more times and we have ourselves a movie!

Then there is the commentary . . . following a preview the other day, Elizabeth piped up "Well! That was pretty violent, don't you think?". 

Or Ben, during a 3-D movie, would take his glasses off and announce loudly "It's blurry", put them on "Now it's not", take them off "it's blurry", put them on "Now it's not" . . .  you get the picture. 

After a particularly touching scene in Brave, Elizabeth announced (as soon as it was quiet of course) . . . "She's naaaaaaa-ked Mom!". Yes Elizabeth, yes she is.

A gruesome (kid friendly of course) death scene? You will hear my kids laughing hysterically!

And, without question, the ever popular "Is it over yet?" is uttered on cue every 13 minutes.

Oh well, maybe next time. . .

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